He Says...

Plus Size Man

Almost sounds like a Superhero, doesn’t it? Oh, no! The Slobbin’ Glob is attacking! This is a job for Plus Size Man!

What’s funny is that plus size is simply the politically correct way of saying “overweight”. Overweight is the polite way of saying “fat”. What it all means is that plus size and fat are the same thing. Unfortunately, plus size renders everything from just above arrogant stick figure with poofy lips to way beyond fluffy as fat.

As a man who has been plus size for most of his life, I have encountered many plus size woes. Things like:

  • Having to squish into a booth at a restaurant.
  • Needing a seat belt extender when flying.
  • Little kids looking at me with wide eyes that say, “Holy cow! That guy is huge!”
  • Pants that always seem to shrink in the dryer.
  • People looking at me weird when I have another dessert.
  • People thinking that because I’m plus size, that I’m interested in finishing off their meal, even after they just said it was gross.

But I digress. This article isn’t about being fat and sobbing into my bowl of ice cream because I literally don’t fit in. I need to lose about 100 pounds and I know it. No surprise there.

Here is what I want to know: Why is it when a group of people decide to order food, they always send the fat guy to go pick it up?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been with a group, we all write down our orders, and then I’m sent off to go get it. Come on, really? As if people don’t already look weird at the fat guy who’s eating anything. Let’s send him alone to the drive-thru to order enough food for an army.

Gee, thanks.

What makes this worse is that the order is all written down. So I pull up to the drive-thru and read off the list with fluid eloquence. I’m pretty sure anybody within earshot is thinking that’s quite the order of food. Then I pull up to the window. Alone. Just me. Nobody else.

Hopefully this is for a party and not this guy’s “usual”.

I pay for the grub and start taking bag after bag and tray after tray into my vehicle. The height of the car is 2 inches lower when the complete haul is taken in. It was listing to my side but it now sits level. I hope the folks waiting in line behind me are thinking I’m going to one heck of a party.

They are probably thinking that I suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder and everybody is hungry.

(Photo by: Jonathan Borba on Unsplash)

Published by Derek

Musician, Writer, Husband of Miss Tori & Son of the King!

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